So Why

June 16, 2023 — Krystal Craven
Krystal Craven wearing a purple shirt and glasses, smiling while laying her head on her arms which are folded on a wooden table. There is an hourglass to the right side of her with purple sand in it. The title "While I Wait Here" is printed above the hourglass.

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The Story Behind So Why

When I was in middle school, from the outside, you would have seen an only child who overachieved and got good grades, played sports, loved to do anything creative, and while not being very socially accepted by her peers at school, was pretty outgoing and tried to make friends everywhere. On the inside was a completely different story.

At home, my parents were going through a divorce, and while I tried to not let it get to me that the kids at my small private school would make fun of me and exclude me from things, everything had finally compounded to be too much to bear.

Psychology would say that I couldn’t control things in my life and so I turned to control the only thing I could…my eating habits. There is some truth to that, but it goes much deeper than that. I had been taught all the Bible stories, and the major people of faith we read about in the Bible, but I didn’t actually have a close and surrendered relationship with Christ. That allowed satan to fill the gaps with insecurities and lies that would shape the story in my head for years to come.

Being the rather isolated middle schooler that I was, it wasn’t very hard to jump on board that eating disorder bandwagon. By the time I got into high school, a completely new school in a new area, I had reinvented myself and no one knew “the fat girl” I used to be. Except, now I had an image to maintain.

Years later, after I met my husband in our junior year of high school, I had started to settle into a comfort with myself and allowed myself to gain a little weight. I teetered back and forth between wanting to embrace anorexia and wanting to eat whatever I wanted like a normal teenager. I graduated still rather thin, but felt more like I was able to be healthier with my eating habits, but that didn’t last long.

After high school graduation, I went full time into working and going to college and had gotten to the mindset that I shouldn’t even think about food, just eat and be happy. Which was fine until I had gained about 25 pounds and was facing pressure to lose weight before our wedding. I tried to do it the healthy way with diet and exercise but couldn’t lose much. In a growing depression, I basically gave up my ways of anorexia and instead swung to the opposite spectrum of binge eating my emotions.

After the birth of my first daughter, my weight gain got worse and worse. I tried every diet out there but ultimately got very depressed when nothing worked, not realizing I had severely messed up my metabolism through anorexia and binge eating. I got to a point where I felt I just couldn’t keep gaining weight and I swung back to anorexia. It wasn’t until after the birth of my second daughter that I decided I had to do things the healthy way and couldn’t keep going back to this nightmare of anorexia and binge eating.

No matter what healthy lifestyle changes I made, I still couldn’t lose weight. All the while my health conditions got worse and worse. When God called me to do a 30 day water fast, I initially thought He was crazy because of the anorexic battle I had faced for so many years. It was divine intervention that my mind didn’t go to the extreme when I completed the fast. I honestly thought that was a final pivot point for me, being done with eating disorders once and for all. And to a point, it was, but I still battle it in my mind, even to this day.

It’s ironic that my health conditions have gotten me to the point that I physically can’t handle much food, but the difference is that unlike the 8th grade girl I was, I now have a close relationship with the God who made me and loves me. I understand that I am made in the image of God and am His masterpiece and that in the times of insecurity, I’m letting satan paint my portrait instead of God.

Being at this point in the journey doesn’t mean I’m never going to battle with it, but it means I know how to fight it effectively. The battle is in my mind before it reaches my body and I fight it with God’s word, as I seek to be transformed by the renewing of my mind.

This song is my way of encompassing the battle of body dysmorphia, such as eating disorders and other body image disorders, and the freedom that can come with meeting those disorders with the Word of God.

Bible Verses & Biblical Themes in So Why

  • I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. (Psalm 139:14)
  • For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7b)
  • Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)
  • Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)
  • Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. (1 Timothy 4:7-8)
  • Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. (1 John 4:4)

Chords & Lyrics

So Why

Krystal Craven

Key: F
Capo: 3
Time Sig:6/8
Tempo: 103 bpm
Sequence: Intro,V1,Pre-C, C, Inter, V2, Pre-C, C, B, Pre-C(2x), C(2x), Outro

D  G  D  G

Verse 1:
D          G                        D
I have a story that's inside of my head
        G                     D         A
But it's not the one that I've read from You
D       G                      D
When I look into the mirror I see
        G             D A
Only the outer parts of me

    D            A             Bm           G
So why should I care what the mirror tells me
D                      A             G
When Your word is so clear what You see

    D                          G
I am beautifully and wonderfully made
    D                          A
I'm a sinner loved and saved by grace
            D                        G
You look beyond my body and into my heart
    D               A       D
My beauty's found in Who You are

G   D   G

Verse 2:
D                 G            D
This battle may follow me everyday
                    G                  D A
To fight it, I'll meditate on what You say
D             G                D
Whatever is true, right, and lovely
            G               D A
Greater is You Who lives in me


    Em       Bm           G                A
As time goes on, and my outward flesh is fleeting
            Em           Bm           G                A
Still Your love stays strong, and my fear for You is unending

Pre-Chorus: (2x):
Chorus: (2x):

    D                A       Bm
My beauty's found in Who You are
    D                A       D
My beauty's found in Who You are