Weighing What Matters

Over the Christmas break my family and I went to Idaho for a visit with some close friends, more like family really. Having neurological conditions, I know that I have my limits to what I can do. I figured out pretty well the things I can’t do because it’s guaranteed to cause pain and limited function and what I can do but must limit myself in. However, there are times I want to just do what I want and if the consequences are bad, oh well.

We had all gone to the ice skating rink and my girls were super excited to skate. I so badly wanted to go out there and knowing that if I pushed too hard, I would have pain and lose function, but to what extent, I wasn’t fully certain until it would happen. In the past, especially when not knowing what was wrong with me, I would never do anything like this out of fear, but it has also kept me from experiencing fun times with my family. This time, I decided to participate and that I would just deal with the consequences after. It was kind of weird though, because I was pretty certain I would have pain and limited function to a certain degree but the desire to skate with my kids outweighed the fear of it.

Well, we all skated and we all had a great time! I was over the moon, genuinely like a little kid having so much fun skating with my girls! I felt great, kept tabs on my heart rate with my Fitbit to ensure it wasn’t getting too high, and just was careful to not fall. Our time on the ice came to an end and I got off, swapped back into my boots, and got up to walk to the car. It was within a few steps in walking to the car that I realized my legs were going to lose some of their function. I made it home, limped into the house, and sat on the couch. It was within 5 minutes that the pain really started to set in, which I did expect, and I began to realize I couldn’t really move my legs. Throughout the course of that night as I was trying to walk, I was doing what I call “baby giraffing” where my legs are super wobbly. Though as I sat on the couch, I thought to myself, “I hate when my body does this! I go from independent to dependent over doing something that normal people can do without thought. Was ice skating really worth it?”

That really was a good question, but more than just ice skating, I had come to the real question I was asking myself…Is doing anything that I know may cause my body issue worth doing? In some cases, yes and in others no. The reward of getting to feel normal for an hour and have a fun experience with my kids that we’ll all remember fondly was totally worth it. This got me thinking though, regardless of my physical issues, what else in life is worth the consequence?

The farther and longer we get into the end times, the harder it gets on Christians. The world literally is saying that good is evil and evil is good and in ways that are way worse than I could have imagined only 15 years ago. In other areas of the world outside the current freedom of the United States, there are severe persecutions of Christians going on in which followers of Jesus are giving up their lives for His name’s sake. In the US, we aren’t facing that kind of persecution, but I don’t doubt that it will eventually get here. In the meantime, we face social, financial, and occupational persecution for our relationship with Jesus and our refusal to compromise.

So what then is worth doing regardless of the consequences? For me, after thinking about it for quite a while and really sitting and weighing all the consequences. You know what, I spent time talking to Jesus and pouring out my heart’s desire to follow His will and way no matter what, and telling Him my fears of all the what ifs I could think of. One of my main concerns is for my kids. It’s one thing for me to lay my life down for my faith in my Lord and Savior and for His name’s sake, but then I wouldn’t be there for my kids to continue training them in the ways of the Lord. Ultimately, in my mind I know that they are His but I still want to do everything within my power to protect them both in body and spirit. My worst fear is that our area would come under radical persecution of Christians and that I would die for my faith and my kids would be brainwashed into the ways of the world, turning to it out of fear for their own lives. I honestly would much rather we all get martyred together so that they would be spared the position of having to choose to deny Jesus or die. I have concluded that I cannot dwell on the what ifs or even try to plan for the what ifs other than continuing to train them in the ways of the Lord and instill in them that Jesus is worth it all, even at the cost of our own lives if it were to ever come down to that.

If the culture and government turns on Christians in full force, I pray that I will have the grace and strength to walk without fear yet in wisdom, knowing that my sovereign God will keep me all the days of my life and that my eventual death, whether natural or otherwise, is a precious thing in His sight as He ushers me into His kingdom. I pray that my kids will be kept from evil and grow so close in their personal relationships with Jesus that hands down they will never ever deny Him, even unto death. I pray that it doesn’t ever come to that, but if it does, Jesus has, is, and always will be worthy and worth any consequence of persecution in any capacity. His glory and honor comes above all this life has to offer so I will live my life with open hands for Him to give and take away and in life and, if required, unto death always proclaiming to Him, “Blessed be Your Name”!